There’s a lot of confusion in the twin flame community about how to work out if a person we are sharing a powerful connection with is a real twin flame or false twin. I honestly believe that there are MANY false twin flame connections going on where people are convinced this is their real twin flame. I believe that real twin flame connections are far more rare than what it appears if we look to the twin flame community. This is why we hear so many tales of abuse and destructive behavior and then people believe that’s how a twin flame connection should be, that’s what a twin flame connection looks like and that’s what we should expect. I remember seeing a video by a well known spiritual speaker”redefining” twin flames. This spiritual speaker really does have some profound spiritual insights to offer the world but when it came to speaking about twin flames it became clear to me that he had no idea what he was talking about and had totally misunderstood the twin flame concept. What I believe happened (and this is just *my* belief) is that he must have looked at the “twin flame” community, seen and heard all the complaints of abuse, mistreatment and everything that is NOT love from people claiming it’s their “twin flame” and he must have thought to himself that this “twin flame” concept is really just a label for abusive karmic connections, so he redefined them as such.
10 Key Differences Between a Real Twin Flame and a False Twin
1) With a false twin you will have an overall gut feeling that this person just doesn’t really care about you. With a real twin flame you will just know deep down without question. Okay, so sometimes your mind may doubt this inner heart knowing to begin with when it comes to your real twin, but in times of inner stillness you will simply know they love you just as much as you love them. You will know they care about you deeply, that their true self wants you to be happy, to thrive, to heal and grow together. With the falsie you just see them going off in the distance and they really couldn’t care less. A true twin flame may appear to do the same, but deep down you just know their heart sings for you and you alone. You know they see you as “the one” even if they are trying to delude themselves out of their own fears and surface level illusions. Eventually the real twin wakes up and WANTS to return to you no matter what it takes to unite harmoniously, whilst the false twin never wakes up nor thinks you are the one they must fight for because you aren’t real twins and so it’s not part of the contract. They simply keep moving father and farther away from you. Sometimes only time will tell when we can’t seem to decipher if this is our real twin or not.
A real twin flame would never be abusive because they have attained such a high vibration through past lives and past experiences BEFORE meeting you that abuse is simply not something they would even consider bringing to the table when they meet you – it just doesn’t resonate. They may have played out some abusive tendencies in a false twin situation PRIOR to meeting you to purge that karma first in preparation for the higher vibration in the real twin connection. I know I used to be verbally and emotionally abusive to my false twin because my ego wanted to give back exactly what I was getting from him and I had experienced abuse in my past so turned into the bully because I thought that was me taking back my power. But eventually I balanced myself and began to realize what healthy boundaries are so I didn’t feel like I had to push people away by being verbally abusive. I also realized that my verbal abuse was NOT justified just because he wasn’t loving me in the way I thought he should.
True twin flames meet when they are at a high enough vibration to return to love and abuse is therefore no part of that equation. Yes to begin with there can be some “game playing” or ego battles but it’s never downright abuse once you’ve got to the stage of meeting a real twin.
With a false twin you will always be questioning “Is this my twin? Is this my twin?!” because deep down your soul knows it isn’t but your mind desperately wants to believe they are. It feels too painful to accept that they aren’t your real twin because then you will tell yourself it’s because the universe deems you unworthy of love and has therefore rejected you and your prayers for finding and keeping “the one”. But that’s never the truth, the universe is not some patriarchal force judging you as “unworthy for love”. That is one of the biggest illusions – that we are somehow inferior to a superior creator. We are all one, we are all god/dess and therefore there is no such thing as inferior or superior, good enough or unworthy. There is only love and we are all one with that, we ARE that love.
When we so desperately want to believe this abusive person is our true twin flame (to try and fix our abandonment issues by hoping they will miraculously change themselves around completely just to commit to us and prove to us that we are so utterly and completely lovable because we’ve forgotten to believe that about ourselves)… we will likely twist their abusive and careless actions in our minds into some delusion that this is their way of showing just how much they love us!
With a real twin flame it’s okay not to know at first whether they are your real twin or not because there’s often so much illusion and ego to release before our truth can shine through in the shape of heart-based intuition. But eventually you will just know they are your real twin flame.
4) In a false twin flame connection you will experience an underlying feeling of it being toxic and bad for you, harmful to you. Whereas with a true twin flame it will have it’s ups and down but ultimately you will feel an undercurrent of love, peace, nurturing and healing. You will know that ultimately this connection, this person is good for you, brings out your strengths and is for your highest good. There will be an underlying feeling of optimism as opposed to pessimism or a “sinking feeling” with the falsie. With the true twin you will feel the connection uplifting you overall.
With a false twin your core values will be totally out of alignment – you want kids, she can’t stand them, you live and breathe spirituality, he thinks it’s all nonsense and couldn’t care less about that “crazy” stuff. You’re like a square peg and a round hole – ultimately you just don’t fit.
With your true twin flame you will have your differences – different interests, hobbies, personalities, jobs for example, but you will share the same core values. One may have a very “spiritual” job helping others and the other may assist with people’s health and development in a different kind of way – charity work, nutritionist, simply spreading love and light in a way that compliments who they are etc, perhaps not even in the form of a job but just in their day to day life – there’s no set rules. Both will feel an overall passion and drive to serve others, to heal themselves, to return to love and soul truth and union within themselves and with each other.
With a false twin flame one person will be completely content to keep living in the 3D illusions and will have no interest or soul pull to awaken beyond the veil. It’s like you’re the only one who senses anything spiritual going on. They are oblivious and couldn’t care less. You feel incredibly lonely because you know they are on a completely different page when it comes to this experience. You’re on separate pages and feel the separation between you. Deep down you know that you are heading in different directions overall but right now your ships are intersecting momentarily before you continue to pass each other an go your separate ways. Years later you see that they haven’t awakened at all and haven’t changed much at all and they seem quite content in their sleep state, blissfully ignorant. It’s likely nothing major happened for them like it did for you. You realize it was just not a part of their soul contract to awaken in the way that you did.
Yes, at first with a real twin they / we can be oblivious on some level but there’s always a deep undercurrent of a magnetic pull drawing us into “something much bigger” than our old way of seeing life. It can take time to consciously become aware that we are being pulled into awakening and we can resist out of fear and misunderstanding for a while but overall there is a pull whether we consciously realize it or not, whether we resist it or embrace it. A falsie will feel no pull into “something bigger”. But real twin flames we cannot be asleep forever. The awakening, the magnetic pull becomes stronger and stronger until eventually it is so OBVIOUS that we cannot deny it any longer or fight our own destiny.
There’s also a sense of coming home with the real twin, feeling understood, seen, heard, recognized for your unique beauty, appreciated, united, one. You no longer feel lonely, you know you are always connected, always loved exactly as you are, that you are always travelling this journey with your divine companion right by your side. There is no separation, only unity and oneness.
A false twin flame connection gets progressively worse. It just feels like it’s always slipping through your fingers and when you do connect it’s mostly filled with drama, power struggles and abuse. You begin to feel like the connection is ridiculous, that trust could never be restored because too much bad sh*t has gone down and that you’d be seriously disrespecting yourself to keep going back for more. And yet you feel chained to them even though you intensely don’t want to be. You try desperately to cut the ties because it’s become so toxic but you can’t (yet). There seems to be more drama that has to play out. It feels like a destructive addiction pulling you into the pits of hell where you keep asking yourself “What the hell am I doing?!” but ultimately feel you cannot get away because you are chained together in an utterly destructive and co-dependent way.
True twin flames do trigger each other BUT there is always a undercurrent of love as the driving force behind this tool for purging, healing and growth. You may want to cut the ties at times with the true twin out of frustration and pain but it’s never because the connection is toxic or feels “dangerous” or damaging or because your soul is yelling at you “GET OUT!” True twin flame connections cannot be severed because they are the oneness of true love whereas the ties between false twin flames will be cut off by our soul WHEN we have returned to self-love and the realization that we are much more worthy than to accept this abuse. Usually the false twin ties are broken when we realize and finally accept that they will not fill in the voids we were hoping they would, when we realize that we CAN survive without them.
With a true twin flame your connection continues to improve. The more you heal, the more harmonious your connection becomes. Optimism increases as the fear-based illusions dissolve.
The ego will dominate a false twin flame connection and it will get worse and worse playing power struggle games to try and be the one on top, the one in control in this me vs. you paradigm. Yes, there will also be an element of this in the beginning of a true twin flame connection but the key difference with the real twins is that their souls, higher selves and spirit guides will always guide them back to love, to their hearts, to see beyond the ego and all it’s illusions. Real twins will be guided through their ego blocks until the ego dies more and more to make way for the heart to open fully. They will feel a strong pull to kiss and make up, to put things right and come into a balanced win-win solution for both. Real twins WANT to be on the same page, it feels most natural and peaceful for them to be in harmony with each other, working together at all times.
False twin connections are often about the sex. Sex is often mistaken for love and true intimacy. A false twin will only be too happy to turn back to you if sex is on offer whilst at all other times they are running the other way. Sex becomes a bargaining chip for the chaser in exchange for (very little) time, attention and the illusion of a deeper commitment coming soon. Many false twins hook up in this way for an energy fix because they are feeling so drained inside and desperate for someone to fill in those voids and give them a high because in truth the connection has sunk so low and made them feel so low. It’s all about co-dependency and there’s not a shred of true love to be found.
In a true twin flame connection sex is not the glue that holds you together at all – it’s love. You may not have even had sex with each other ever and although there is a desire to make love it is not the most important aspect of your connection, again that’s the love, the growth, the emotional fulfillment of truly being seen and loved and appreciated for who you really are.
A false twin flame connection happens when you are SERIOUSLY not loving yourself – when your lack of self-esteem has become so extreme that you attract a mirror image of your self-loathing – someone who WON’T or CAN’T love you because you WON’T or AREN’T loving yourself. Again I am not judging – I’ve been through all of this!! False twins are often PREPARATION to make you sink so low that you FINALLY get angry enough to realize that you do deserve better, that you are worth more than this, to RISE yourself up again through leaving and knowing you CAN survive without them. This realization cuts the ties to the falsie and in leaving you are loving yourself more. This in turn raises your vibration so that you may be ready to attract your true twin flame and work through similar lessons with them but on a much higher frequency which means that the true twin connection does not fall into abuse but can rise further into love.
The real twin flame connection does have it’s ups and downs but it is still far more harmonious than the false twin connection.